You are right, it's your life and your family - no one can tell you how to live. I only try to help. I'm on your side and i'll try to always to be on your side.

I apologize if i overstepped my boundaries. Know that it truly came from a place of love and concern. You may have to continually forgive me for being worried for you and your family. I cannot not worry or meddle. I am so grateful to you and your family, i can't help but want to be involved. I consider myself your friend and want to be there for you. If that is too much, then, i am sorry that i couldn't help myself.

You have a right to your sentiments. Just know, i'll still be here for you.

THE author of this journal is planning a total rehaul...

Life, subsequent interruptions, and general laziness has caused the neglect within this journal.

I'm hoping to get seraph_dreams active again as soon as possible.

SO she still lives...

Been in hibernation of late. Ever since i've quit the museum, my life has less stress, ergo less rantage and need of an outlet.

I found a temporary income source in tutoring a German-Vietnamese 8-year old name Lukas and his 20-year old Vietnamese aunt. It was two months of work that kept my brain and finances reasonably afloat. My time with them has concluded and now i'm back to staving off panic when faced with the void of uncertainty. It's been a week of absolutely nothing to keep me occupied.

Seems like my life is on ::PAUSE:: i'm idling and hoping for the stop sign to change so i can step on the gas.

All this waiting for direction has pushed me to reach new heights of koala. I have made it into an art form this past week. My most pressing activity has been sleeping.

FINAL product from my basic fondant decorating class. I want to try them out on actual cakes rather than styrofoam. Dammit, it is just frustrating how hard it is to find the ingredients for making fondant and gumpaste.

Anyway, a pretty sakura theme cake design made by moi...

AUSTEN novels often have a scene at the beach, and in that tradition, i find the perfect way to begin a new chapter is with a beach adventure.

I ended my last day of work with a movie and tofu chips. When i got home, officially unemployed again, i packed my overnight bag and went to bed.
haremtrained and rzuriqo were already in Batangas enjoying the beauty of the beachside and sea.

Got up at dawn and made my way to the bus terminal to catch a bus headed for Batangas.

It was my first solo road/commute adventure - and i ran out of load just as i boarded the bus. Spent 2 hours on a bus to Batangas pier, a bit of a miscalculation as i offshot the intersection where i was meant to take a jeep to Bauan. Misadventures to add to the thrills.

I got a free ride from another bus headed for their terminal near the jeep stop, caught the jeep to Mabini, got off at the tiny pier/talipapa, thought about taking a P300 trike to Anilao but decided to "hitch hike" on a family owned jeep for P20 and get to El Pinoy resort.

El Pinoy had over a hundred steps leading down to the beach front where at that perfect moment when i reached the beach, psychoshoujo happened to walk by. I joined the rest of the party at the beautiful beach villa, Pawikan.

Beach, sun, kayaks, food, fish, friends, and a few bloopers on the corals. Taking in a refreshing bit of nature does wonders. It was a bloody good weekend. An Austen-esque beginning for the next stage of my life.

LAST day tomorrow. Time to move on to other, perhaps better things...

BAGUIO weekend was lurvs! The cool air, the total unfamiliarity of a different place, and the art deco architecture was refreshing. If only it could have lasted longer.

*~*~*~*~*
Another countdown has begun. This time for the day i once again become unemployed. I can't say i'm totally thrilled to have to tighten the spending belt but i am looking forward for the time i'd be able to spend doing the things i've had to sacrifice for my job - like my weekends.

12

days to go...

CRAZY week mehn...

WEDNESDAY was the first day of the FSE writtens. I must confess, did very little to prepare myself for the exams. Dementors and all keeping me distracted.

Woke up at 5AM, cooked lunch, and headed out extra early to avoid the traffic that would be inevitable with the Cory Aquino burial march. I got there almost 2 hours early. Ah well better early than late and locked out.

We had English and International Affairs that day. I was suprised at the questions, they were quite general and subjective. Which also made me paranoid as to how they would grade the answers and i still had the next two days of testing to look forward to.

But that did nothing to stop me from attending the Nine Inch Nails concert! Trent Reznor is too shmexy to prioritize career determnining exams. XD

The concert was worth the risk of faiure - NIN did not disappoint. They sound even better live. I wanted to tear my clothes off when he sang Closer. I still get weak-kneed thinking about it. I made my way to the front of the stage barrier, past the bouncer and stared, jumped around, screamed my throat sore, and just generally rocked out. Fucking awesome. If it was their last, i'm glad i was there to experience them.

I got home past midnight and crawled into bed at 1AM.

Got up at 6AM THURSDAY and headed to the DFA for the second day of testing. Thursday covered Filipino and Philippine Conditions. Both tests were long and tedious. The day was made more bearable by rzuriqo who treated me to a bento lunch and a sinfully delectable Hagen Daaz fondue.

After the DFA i headed over to psychoshoujo's place to wait for gzep to give us a ride to Ascend for the Antonov model search thingamabob. Barring the

massive fail

of our metal chariot and someone's lacking knowledge of automobile repair. We got there just in time for swag bags and free booze. Denice got us in for free by flashing her Playground editor badge.

We left the "party" early and headed to Krispy Kreme to satiate the demands of a sweet tooth the size of China. Got donuts and coffee, then sat and talked a while before heading home.

I got home before midnight and was in bed by half past 12AM. Woke up at 6AM for the third and final day of exams.

TODAY was World History and Foreign Language, the subjects i was most nervous for. History threw a confusing curve ball but the French test was more tolerable than what i had feared. I managed to finish an hour early which gave me time to visit my uncle, accompany Trixie to the salon, and grab a gut busting dinner at Choto Stop.

I would be grateful for time to rest after the gruelling exams but i have work tomorrow. I have to get up early and look forward to herding 20 buses around the museum, followed by another group of 2 buses, and an art activity to facilitate in the afternoon. My day is bursting, i can't wait. Yey. T_T

At least tomorrow night i hope to get boozed and let loose a bit and celebrate with Sammi & co.! Wo0T!

SUNDAY i think is G.I. Joe night with Chunky.

CRAP crap crap crap crap!

I have my written tests in 2 days! I should not freak out, but i am majorly freaking the shit out. I feel completely under prepared. Fuck. I was hoping it would be canceled because of the declared holiday - but NO! Ah to wish for respite and not get it.

My emotions are conflicted. I'm worried and nervous about the test, the same time, i'm confusing myself by being excited for the NIN concert. Will significant events in my life always conspire to happen on the same day to pull me in two or more directions? I hate choosing - i want it all.

Oh well... i should not take this as life or death. I still have other options.

*~*~*~*~*
P.S.
Thank you mes amis who polled. Pastry chef looks to be winning.

AS the days to determine the course of my professional life draw ever closer, it's time to set safety nets in place. At least psychological ones anyway.

So Gaiz! Please for to answering, it might help me not freak out.

Poll #1435771 Angel's Alternate Career Options
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 4

if my diplomatic career goes to crap, should i become: